Monday, March 31, 2008
The Innocent Man and My Diagnosis Story
I just recently finished reading "Innocent Man" by John Grisham (link over in the bookworm). Now, you may have noticed, up there under the title, that it says "bipolar" well, if you have never met me, you may not know, but I am bipolar. And those of you who met me may now be saying one of two things. "OH! That explains it" or "What?!?!" So yes, I assure you I am bipolar. It's been almost a year since my diagnosis, and I'm doing really really well compared to a year ago. If you've read this book you will know that it is a true story and the 'main character' is bipolar (probably bipolar type 1). This is not reveiled until nearly half way through the book. As i was reading the parts about the mans childhood, I'm thinking to myself how much his moods, and actions sound like bipolar. Well, then he's framed for the rape and murder of a young woman. And convicted, and spends nearly 15 years total (I think) in prision, not all of it for the murder conviction. And he's on death row. And, he is not in any kind of treatment for years. It really pulled at the heart reading about the mistreatment he was being given just because he was "crazy". He was manic! Now, I've never had a fullblown manic episode, instead I have hypomanic episode, which for me include racing thoughts, the inability to sit still, and relax. The inability to SIT for more than a few minutes. Your mind is moving so quickly, sometimes you can't get out a complete sentence with out becoming distracted by whatever thought that was that just raced by...which you've now forgotten! For those who are bipolar, you know that it can take years to find a stable place. This man spent nearly his entire life unstable, in and out of jail, and hospitals, and never spending more than a few weeks on his own anywhere. I realize I am very lucky, more than that. I was diagnosed with depression in April of '07, and put on an anti-depressant. I began to feel better with in a few weeks (2) of starting the medication. After about 6 weeks on the medication I wasn't feeling as well as I had been. i was still waiting to see the psychiatrist, so I called my general practice office, and my nurse practitioner increased my dose. with in 2 weeks of taking more, I was hypomanic. I couldn't think straight, I was extremeley irritable, and quite jittery. I had to be moving something at all times. I would type frantically, pace around my house, attempting to get a few things clean. (In the onset of the hypomania, I am usually able to channel the energy into cleaning my house, but when it's in full swing, I can't manage it). If I was sitting down to dinner, my leg was bouncing. I looked like a hyper 12 yr old. At night, if I was sitting watching tv, I'd be knitting or writing, or anything to keep busy.I finally called the NP back again and told her I thought I was manic. She prescribed ativan to get me through until my psychiatrist appointment. Over the next week I dropped 12 lbs. Then one day, my daughter got hurt. She and her brother were playing in her room, and I was in the living room folding laundry. She was crying so I went to her, and picked her up. She freaked out "me down! me down! me down!!!" and cried louder and harder. I put her down and tried to talk to her, more screaming "NO!" I couldn't breath. My chest hurt, it was very tight, and my heart was POUNDING. I ran outside and walked around my carport. I called 2 friends, one who was also bipolar (type 2, like myself) . They both suggested I go ahead and take one of the Ativan, since it was there for that reason. A week later I was diagnosed as bipolar type two. The lucky part is that I pretty much found what works for me right away. I was put on a mood stabilizer, and my antidepressant was decreased. Eventually I weaned off the anti-depressant and stayed on just the mood stabilizer. I was prescribed another anti-depressant, but waited until after Christmas to start it. It didn't work out. About 2 months ago my mood stabilizer dose was increased, and i feel that I'm doing really really well. It has been 10 months since my diagnosis.
Epidurals and Education
Epidurals: Time to stop laboring over 'natural' childbirth.
I had intended to basically discuss the entire article, but I won't bore you completely!! Instead, I would like to talk about the importance of education when you are faced with any kind of medical decision.
I had my first child at the age of 18. Because of the social stigma that follows many young mothers, I was worried of what people thought of me. So I decided to educate myself on all things pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and infant care. This is where a lot of "ME" is now rooted.
I was not the ideal patient, as I was still 18, my diet needed an overhaul, and I could have used more exercise but the morning sickness took it's toll. Finally at 23 weeks it let up.
Anyway that isn't what this is about. This is about the choice to educate myself on what was happening with me. I did more birth education than pregnancy education, since well, I was already pregnant, I needed to prepare for the finale.
One of the first things I educated myself on was the methods of pain relief used in labor. First up were the analgesics, the narcotics. They can be used almost any time during the labor. But the closer to birth, the less likely is is that they will be used because of the potential risk to the infant (breathing problems requiring oxygen and sometimes an antidote for the narcotic given). They can be given in half doses or full doses. They can benefit to give the mom that little break before she begins to push, and when it's over, she doesn't have to wait for an epidural to wear off, or the catheter to be removed from her back. I know I was never told that the medication would most definitely cross the placenta. Though, if you think about it, it's obvious. The medication is typically injected in to an IV line (provided you have an IV, if you don't, they'll probably start one just for this) and the IV line is going directly into your blood stream. Blood is obviously carried through out your body, and the placenta, is attached to the uterus, which also gets blood flow. So the medication, though filtered a bit through the placenta still manages to reach the baby. Which is why doctors won't want it administered too soon before delivery.
Another option is the use of Oxygen and gas for pain relief, however I have not seen this used, only heard anecdotal stories. I haven't even come across a decently written study synopsis of it yet. Looking forward to finding one some day. So, we move on. To the Epidural!!! dun dun duuuuunnn....
Now, I've had an epidural. And I hope to never have another one. I will never have another one for childbirth, because we're done having kids. But with the research I've done, it wouldn't be an option if we were still workin the baby factory.
Allow me to interject here, that every intervention that is practiced in labor rooms across the country have had their place at one time or another. But the blatant over use, that has made a lot of these interventions routine, or even policy is what scares me, and upsets me the most, but first I'd like to weigh in with my thoughts on epidurals.
The potential for serious side effects is huge. There is an entire laundry list of risks associated with it. Not the greatest list, but it will do. I am extremely tempted to discuss most of this list...the doula, childbirth educator and future midwife in me wants to tell you what she thinks about all of this..but I shall refrain. Unless there are questions, please tell me there are questions lol.
As I mentioned above, I've had an epidural. When I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my son, my labor was induced. It was a medical induction for pre-eclampsia or toxiema (I haven't read the wiki yet). My blood pressure baseline had been 120/70 and when I was admitted to the hospital was only about 140/80, but a few days prior was 150/110. And in labor after having been on pitocen for 6 hours, having my water broken for about 3 hours, my blood pressure had risen to a frightening 180/120. And according to my husband, that isn't where it topped out. It was at this point that I was talked into getting an epidural. "but it doesn't hurt! i don't want one!" I was being almost completely honest. Yes, it hurt. But it didn't hurt THAT bad to me. So, I gave consent for them to bring in the anaesthetist. When she arrived I began crying. I told her I didn't want the epidural, I wanted to be able to feel the birth of my child. She helped me out by giving me a 'light' epidural so I wasn't numb. Unfortunatly for her and all involved in talking me into it, I'd also mentioned that I wanted it shut off when it was time to push. Well, that time was when I lay down after having the epidural placed. So it went in, it went on, it went off. ha. The idea here was to play on one of the potential risks of hypotention, or low blood pressure.
The catheter remained in place for about 12 hours after he was born. I couldn't really feel the catheter, but there is a huge 'bandaid' stuck to your back holding the cath. in place. (no, they don't leave a needle in your back, it's plastic flexible tubing so that you can do things like roll on to your side, and 'curl up' to push.
Do I have a real point I can sum up, no not really, not today. Forgive me blog writing is new to me...it'll take some time. Basically what I'm saying about the epidural in general is that it has it's place. But in this article we're being told that it should be used with every birth. And that my friends is dangerous practice. If that was put into practice the c-section rate would skyrocket (as if it weren't high enough), the rate of sucessful breastfeeding would drop dramatically (due to the potential for a poor latch or weak suck from a newborn, and the potential for lack of emotional connection)
From the article" There is not other situation in medicine in which pain relief is routinely withheld"
This makes me want to scream. If given too early you can almost guarantee a STOP of labor progression in many mothers. You can nearly guarantee a 50%+ c/s rate or higher. If a mother is EDUCATED in her choices some, believe it or not actually CHOOSE to have an UN medicated birth.
These mothers will typically employ other methods of creating comfort. The atmosphere is one way to help your body relax. Keeping your mobility is quite important in the 'health' of your labor. The gravity helps keep the pressure from the baby applied to the cervix. The movement helps to ensure baby's position and the work your body does to move, helps keep the contractions moving along and productive. Using massage techniques a labor parter, husband, friend, mother, doula can help to ease some pain, and bring relief and comfort to the mother. Using mental techniques is also a great way to keep a healthy labor going on it's own, and keep the mother grounded enough and comfortable enough to actually enjoy it.
Another plus to an unmedicated birth, is when the baby is out, and the placenta is out, it's over. No waiting on meds to clear your body so you can move about, shower, potty. Ect.
The difference for me was another 24 hours in the hospital bed. If I hadn't had pre-eclampsia it would have been 10- 12 just waiting on the epidural crap to come out of my back. So, I birthed my son at 10 pm, and finally around 11 the following night I was getting up out of the bed for the first time. Nearly 4 years later, I birthed my daughter at home, obviously no medication was used. 1 hour after she was born, she'd had already nursed, and I was in the shower getting clean, and then going to (by choice) lay in my bed with my newborn and cuddle her.
Perhaps I should change the name from "the daily report" to "daily ramblings"
I had intended to basically discuss the entire article, but I won't bore you completely!! Instead, I would like to talk about the importance of education when you are faced with any kind of medical decision.
I had my first child at the age of 18. Because of the social stigma that follows many young mothers, I was worried of what people thought of me. So I decided to educate myself on all things pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and infant care. This is where a lot of "ME" is now rooted.
I was not the ideal patient, as I was still 18, my diet needed an overhaul, and I could have used more exercise but the morning sickness took it's toll. Finally at 23 weeks it let up.
Anyway that isn't what this is about. This is about the choice to educate myself on what was happening with me. I did more birth education than pregnancy education, since well, I was already pregnant, I needed to prepare for the finale.
One of the first things I educated myself on was the methods of pain relief used in labor. First up were the analgesics, the narcotics. They can be used almost any time during the labor. But the closer to birth, the less likely is is that they will be used because of the potential risk to the infant (breathing problems requiring oxygen and sometimes an antidote for the narcotic given). They can be given in half doses or full doses. They can benefit to give the mom that little break before she begins to push, and when it's over, she doesn't have to wait for an epidural to wear off, or the catheter to be removed from her back. I know I was never told that the medication would most definitely cross the placenta. Though, if you think about it, it's obvious. The medication is typically injected in to an IV line (provided you have an IV, if you don't, they'll probably start one just for this) and the IV line is going directly into your blood stream. Blood is obviously carried through out your body, and the placenta, is attached to the uterus, which also gets blood flow. So the medication, though filtered a bit through the placenta still manages to reach the baby. Which is why doctors won't want it administered too soon before delivery.
Another option is the use of Oxygen and gas for pain relief, however I have not seen this used, only heard anecdotal stories. I haven't even come across a decently written study synopsis of it yet. Looking forward to finding one some day. So, we move on. To the Epidural!!! dun dun duuuuunnn....
Now, I've had an epidural. And I hope to never have another one. I will never have another one for childbirth, because we're done having kids. But with the research I've done, it wouldn't be an option if we were still workin the baby factory.
Allow me to interject here, that every intervention that is practiced in labor rooms across the country have had their place at one time or another. But the blatant over use, that has made a lot of these interventions routine, or even policy is what scares me, and upsets me the most, but first I'd like to weigh in with my thoughts on epidurals.
The potential for serious side effects is huge. There is an entire laundry list of risks associated with it. Not the greatest list, but it will do. I am extremely tempted to discuss most of this list...the doula, childbirth educator and future midwife in me wants to tell you what she thinks about all of this..but I shall refrain. Unless there are questions, please tell me there are questions lol.
As I mentioned above, I've had an epidural. When I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my son, my labor was induced. It was a medical induction for pre-eclampsia or toxiema (I haven't read the wiki yet). My blood pressure baseline had been 120/70 and when I was admitted to the hospital was only about 140/80, but a few days prior was 150/110. And in labor after having been on pitocen for 6 hours, having my water broken for about 3 hours, my blood pressure had risen to a frightening 180/120. And according to my husband, that isn't where it topped out. It was at this point that I was talked into getting an epidural. "but it doesn't hurt! i don't want one!" I was being almost completely honest. Yes, it hurt. But it didn't hurt THAT bad to me. So, I gave consent for them to bring in the anaesthetist. When she arrived I began crying. I told her I didn't want the epidural, I wanted to be able to feel the birth of my child. She helped me out by giving me a 'light' epidural so I wasn't numb. Unfortunatly for her and all involved in talking me into it, I'd also mentioned that I wanted it shut off when it was time to push. Well, that time was when I lay down after having the epidural placed. So it went in, it went on, it went off. ha. The idea here was to play on one of the potential risks of hypotention, or low blood pressure.
The catheter remained in place for about 12 hours after he was born. I couldn't really feel the catheter, but there is a huge 'bandaid' stuck to your back holding the cath. in place. (no, they don't leave a needle in your back, it's plastic flexible tubing so that you can do things like roll on to your side, and 'curl up' to push.
Do I have a real point I can sum up, no not really, not today. Forgive me blog writing is new to me...it'll take some time. Basically what I'm saying about the epidural in general is that it has it's place. But in this article we're being told that it should be used with every birth. And that my friends is dangerous practice. If that was put into practice the c-section rate would skyrocket (as if it weren't high enough), the rate of sucessful breastfeeding would drop dramatically (due to the potential for a poor latch or weak suck from a newborn, and the potential for lack of emotional connection)
From the article" There is not other situation in medicine in which pain relief is routinely withheld"
This makes me want to scream. If given too early you can almost guarantee a STOP of labor progression in many mothers. You can nearly guarantee a 50%+ c/s rate or higher. If a mother is EDUCATED in her choices some, believe it or not actually CHOOSE to have an UN medicated birth.
These mothers will typically employ other methods of creating comfort. The atmosphere is one way to help your body relax. Keeping your mobility is quite important in the 'health' of your labor. The gravity helps keep the pressure from the baby applied to the cervix. The movement helps to ensure baby's position and the work your body does to move, helps keep the contractions moving along and productive. Using massage techniques a labor parter, husband, friend, mother, doula can help to ease some pain, and bring relief and comfort to the mother. Using mental techniques is also a great way to keep a healthy labor going on it's own, and keep the mother grounded enough and comfortable enough to actually enjoy it.
Another plus to an unmedicated birth, is when the baby is out, and the placenta is out, it's over. No waiting on meds to clear your body so you can move about, shower, potty. Ect.
The difference for me was another 24 hours in the hospital bed. If I hadn't had pre-eclampsia it would have been 10- 12 just waiting on the epidural crap to come out of my back. So, I birthed my son at 10 pm, and finally around 11 the following night I was getting up out of the bed for the first time. Nearly 4 years later, I birthed my daughter at home, obviously no medication was used. 1 hour after she was born, she'd had already nursed, and I was in the shower getting clean, and then going to (by choice) lay in my bed with my newborn and cuddle her.
Perhaps I should change the name from "the daily report" to "daily ramblings"
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Time to catch up?
I guess I should try to catch up with the last 3 weeks of my life. I've realized, since having a chance to catch up on the blogs I realize I really need to write more often, and figure out what I want to write about. So, bare with me while I test a few things over the next couple weeks. And, if you ever read, please let me know what kinds of things you would like for me to write about! Ask me questions, send me articles, give me those goofy online quizes that ask anything, and I'll post them and have some fun.
Anyway my wonderful husband is home for a while, he's on leave from work (not the military, anymore). It's been really nice having him home. I hang out with my daughter all morning, she watches tv and brings out some toys. I get to read, books, blogs, boards whatever. My husband joins us when he gets up, and we watch tv, sometimes get to lay there together. When I'm getting things cleaned up, sometimes my daughter will sit with him. They'll watch tv, read books, work on a puzzle. It's really great to watch, and really helpful!!!
I've managed in the last 2 days to master the double crochet stitch and have begun making yet another hat. My daughter claimed the hat this morning, good thing too, she's got the smallest head. I started it yesterday around 5 pm. I'll try to snap a picture of it. I picked a random yarn, I think it's Cascade 220, I'll have to see if I can find what color later. Best link I could find Anyway, yeah, I'll work on a picture. Maybe before I finish it.
It's Spring Break here. Thank Godess the husband is home!
Anyway my wonderful husband is home for a while, he's on leave from work (not the military, anymore). It's been really nice having him home. I hang out with my daughter all morning, she watches tv and brings out some toys. I get to read, books, blogs, boards whatever. My husband joins us when he gets up, and we watch tv, sometimes get to lay there together. When I'm getting things cleaned up, sometimes my daughter will sit with him. They'll watch tv, read books, work on a puzzle. It's really great to watch, and really helpful!!!
I've managed in the last 2 days to master the double crochet stitch and have begun making yet another hat. My daughter claimed the hat this morning, good thing too, she's got the smallest head. I started it yesterday around 5 pm. I'll try to snap a picture of it. I picked a random yarn, I think it's Cascade 220, I'll have to see if I can find what color later. Best link I could find Anyway, yeah, I'll work on a picture. Maybe before I finish it.
It's Spring Break here. Thank Godess the husband is home!
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