The Innocent Man and My Diagnosis Story

I just recently finished reading "Innocent Man" by John Grisham (link over in the bookworm). Now, you may have noticed, up there under the title, that it says "bipolar" well, if you have never met me, you may not know, but I am bipolar. And those of you who met me may now be saying one of two things. "OH! That explains it" or "What?!?!" So yes, I assure you I am bipolar. It's been almost a year since my diagnosis, and I'm doing really really well compared to a year ago. If you've read this book you will know that it is a true story and the 'main character' is bipolar (probably bipolar type 1). This is not reveiled until nearly half way through the book. As i was reading the parts about the mans childhood, I'm thinking to myself how much his moods, and actions sound like bipolar. Well, then he's framed for the rape and murder of a young woman. And convicted, and spends nearly 15 years total (I think) in prision, not all of it for the murder conviction. And he's on death row. And, he is not in any kind of treatment for years. It really pulled at the heart reading about the mistreatment he was being given just because he was "crazy". He was manic! Now, I've never had a fullblown manic episode, instead I have hypomanic episode, which for me include racing thoughts, the inability to sit still, and relax. The inability to SIT for more than a few minutes. Your mind is moving so quickly, sometimes you can't get out a complete sentence with out becoming distracted by whatever thought that was that just raced by...which you've now forgotten! For those who are bipolar, you know that it can take years to find a stable place. This man spent nearly his entire life unstable, in and out of jail, and hospitals, and never spending more than a few weeks on his own anywhere. I realize I am very lucky, more than that. I was diagnosed with depression in April of '07, and put on an anti-depressant. I began to feel better with in a few weeks (2) of starting the medication. After about 6 weeks on the medication I wasn't feeling as well as I had been. i was still waiting to see the psychiatrist, so I called my general practice office, and my nurse practitioner increased my dose. with in 2 weeks of taking more, I was hypomanic. I couldn't think straight, I was extremeley irritable, and quite jittery. I had to be moving something at all times. I would type frantically, pace around my house, attempting to get a few things clean. (In the onset of the hypomania, I am usually able to channel the energy into cleaning my house, but when it's in full swing, I can't manage it). If I was sitting down to dinner, my leg was bouncing. I looked like a hyper 12 yr old. At night, if I was sitting watching tv, I'd be knitting or writing, or anything to keep busy.I finally called the NP back again and told her I thought I was manic. She prescribed ativan to get me through until my psychiatrist appointment. Over the next week I dropped 12 lbs. Then one day, my daughter got hurt. She and her brother were playing in her room, and I was in the living room folding laundry. She was crying so I went to her, and picked her up. She freaked out "me down! me down! me down!!!" and cried louder and harder. I put her down and tried to talk to her, more screaming "NO!" I couldn't breath. My chest hurt, it was very tight, and my heart was POUNDING. I ran outside and walked around my carport. I called 2 friends, one who was also bipolar (type 2, like myself) . They both suggested I go ahead and take one of the Ativan, since it was there for that reason. A week later I was diagnosed as bipolar type two. The lucky part is that I pretty much found what works for me right away. I was put on a mood stabilizer, and my antidepressant was decreased. Eventually I weaned off the anti-depressant and stayed on just the mood stabilizer. I was prescribed another anti-depressant, but waited until after Christmas to start it. It didn't work out. About 2 months ago my mood stabilizer dose was increased, and i feel that I'm doing really really well. It has been 10 months since my diagnosis.